recycle

late day sun shadows

patron saint and resident spirit, the original gardener, "mrs.v."

i tried to convince erin that there was still some life hiding in there, but it appears the winter killed it.

Zoom-Zoom.

micah's trees.

stevia & lemons

trying to shake things up a little. do something new every day, they say. yesterday it was the nettie pot. today, a new job. i liked it a bunch. maple roasted almonds. dill cream cheese. disgustingly delicious is how to describe the sticky buns. saw the sun rise, saw the sun set. loved jane, who started doing food because she sought joy, and is the type of lady who not only loves fine china, but uses it. i am excited, at least some of the time. i am happy, i think. but, despite the perfect shape of my life, i still get anxious in the middle of it all. it is too much for everything to go well, to just be easy, too much to just be happy. but i try harder every day.

nocole and i tried tennis today. we sucked. it was fun!

got a job, quit it. fuck! thought i would take a day or two to relax and rub my two pennies together. but, ring, ring. i think another job just called me on the telephone! time to crack another beer-beer!

tomatoes & lemons

who'd have thought. i'm done. actually. i've been dusting, dancing all afternoon. drinking a single chocolate stout, which promptly went to my head, regardless. singing, too. i hadn't realized how silent things had gotten. just ate me a delish ethiopian stew. tschuss to that! i'm so disoriented and overwhelmed i have nothing to say. glorious. much more soon, hopefully.

we grow up so quickly. thoughts and prayers for my sister and those she will never be able to forget.

the owner of this house and i should probably have a love affair.

finals (MS word, , , ) + progressive dinner (cheese, bourbon, , , ) =

winters outlast every living thing.

well, the plants didn't survive. they froze of went up in smoke, died of thirst, or just faded out. my skin isn't thick enough to not feel symbols. i feel the cold, i feel the dark. i've lost things and i don't know what's missing or what became of them. i hate this, this invisible and loss. makes me feel like i have no hair on my head or like a heart with no limbs. were a lot of deaths this winter. babies were born and died and i anointed their heads and shrunk inward. people i love died and i don't know how to mourn them. we suffered and struggled, love, but didn't make it through. sometimes i feel so hollowed out, you could ash your cigarette in me. but some things survived. even if all i can focus on is the violence of the struggle. i'm trying to focus on. some things survived. one cactus in the bathroom made it. parts of my imagination. invisible things. i'm grasping. smallest hopes. i want to believe that loss is a part of life and that things that die will be born anew. desire's a seed of something, i suppose.

this week is the it. sister go to afghanistan. fam make me drink wine then there was port. week in anticipate: one presentantion on slippery slope arguments for euthanasia, get a job, get visa, mark 50 papers on the subject of "evil," write a fifteen page final evaluation, polish off the shittiest paper on virtue ethics, drawr some pictures, talk about my feelings, be done, feel disoriented, get drunk and watch the o.c. till i figure out up and down. tv should do that, right? i hope. dear journal, talk soon.

sometime soon i hope to have outweathered winter. do something that does not require lumbar support. be some sort of waitress. and it will be glorious.