1.You have 10 dollars and need to buy snacks at a gas station:
Apples and bananas. If I’ve gone down south, cigarettes, a ‘cappuccino,’ and a bag of nuts.

2. If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you want to be?
Ariel or maybe a dolphin.

3. Who's your favorite redhead?
Anne.

4. What do you order when youre at IHOP?
Hashbrowns, I am told.

5. Last book you read?
Alasdair MacIntyre’s After Virtue.

6. Describe your mood.
If I don’t feel notably bad or good, I don’t know how I feel.

7. Describe the last time you were injured?
Jagged my pinky and knuckle on trees and bushes nailing up some artwork at the Robie Towers improvement society workday last Sunday. Have been bleeding and wearing Little Mermaid Bandaids alternately ever since.

8. Of all your friends, who would you want to be stuck in a well with?
Anybody by the name of Mark.

9. Rock concert or symphony?
I try to like the symphony. Rock.

10. What is the wallpaper of your cell phone?
Got none. Neither.

11. Favorite Soda?
Italian or those bottled on PEI.

12. What type of shirt are you wearing?
Black T-shirt. Navy blue cardigan.

13. If you could only use one form of transportation:
Wings. Not an airplane, just wings.

14. Most recent movie you have watched in theatres?
Atonement or that something something Ms. Pedigrew. I can’t remember. Both were pretty, one was sad.

15. Name an actor/actress/singer you have had the hots for:
Paul Schneider. He reminds me of someone.

16. Whats your favorite kind of cake?
I can’t pick. Cup. Also, Moto date, angelfood, and chocolate, the real kind with half a pound of bittersweet.

17. What did you have for dinner last night?
Sesame tofu, apricot and almond couscous salad with a side of greens tossed with honey balsamic dressing, and a grapefruit with molasses and a sprinkle of ground flax. I recognize that sounds totally pretentious, but I am that, ain’t I.

18. Look to your left, what do you see?
Mutsy, a pjama, an empty side of the bed.

19. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Nope.

20. Favorite toy as a child?
Ninja turtles, pooch patrol, and domino rally. Sorry. Making choices is not my favorite.

21. Do you buy your own groceries?
Yes. Lots of them. I like lemons.

22. Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
Maybe. I wish. Wish there was something to talk about.

23. When's the last time you had gummy worms?
Too long ago. Maybe a month?

24. Whats your favorite fruit?
Lately, probably grapefruit or the ripe mango.

25. Do you have a picture of yourself doing a cartwheel?
I don’t know how to do those. Never have.

26. Do you like running long distances?
I have been fantasizing about trying lately, but I find that things are never as good as in my imagination.

27. Have you ever eaten snow?
One spring in the suburbs as a child I had a stand where I sold slushies made from snow I took from our front lawn.

28. What color are your bedsheets?
White fleece, a gift from Santa Carl.

29. Whats your favorite flower?
I’m inclined to say forgetmenots cuz they’re called that. What can I say, I’m a sentamentalist who likes language. In that vein, a couple of summers ago at the Brooklyn Botanical Garden I went to town with the names and colors of roses. I like names and colors a lot. I like most roses, except, red I could do without.

30. Do you do ballet?
In a fanciful, imaginative land.

31. Do you listen to classical music?
Yup. Sometimes. But not the galloping or Baroque kind. When I hear Baroque I have flashbacks of working at the Westin.

32. What is the 1st TV Theme song that pops in your head?
Flinstones. I guess that means I'm dated.

33. Do you watch Sponge bob?
No.

34. What temperature is it outside right now?
Two degress cold.

35. Do people consider you smart?
Some do, others are disappointed.

36. How many piercings do you have?
A couple and five or six scars.

37. Are you signed on AIM?
No. I haven’t the time or patience for those things.

38. Have you ever tried gluing your fingers together?
With Elmers. Anything to get attention.

39 .How do you feel about your family?
I enjoy them. They have graduated to the friends category- icecream with Dad Monday, market with Mother in the morning, and a movie with brother Mark on Sunday. Tracy is in Afghanistan so it is a little harder, but we do email.

40. Do you have an iPod?
This cheap, crackly Mp3 I bought at Target. Wendy should have talked me out of it.

41. What time do you go to bed?
I aim for midnight. I am late.

42. What CD is currently in your CD player?
Iron & Wine burned mix. I’m sick to death of it, but that is just what I do.

43. What movie do you know every line to?
My memory just doesn’t work like that. At least not yet. I’m trying to take vitamins to fix all of that. Movie words don’t stick with me as much as movie images do.

44. What is your favorite salad dressing?
One that has an expiration date and ingredients with two or fewer syllables. I remember Holly used to make this nice one with ground red onion and poppy seed. I tried this one Saturday with mustard, yogurt, and cracked pepper. It was pretty spectacular. I haven't eaten catalina since I retched it up when I was seven.

45. What do you want for Christmas this year?
I want someone to pick out a gift that I like and that really suits me, a surprise. I want someone who understands my tastes. Wrap that person up in a box. That’s what I want. Though, now that I think of it, I met him once, and I had to send him away because having a twin self was just trouble. Last I had heard he was off getting famous.

46. What family member/friend lives the farthest from you? Where?
Tracy or Grammy.

47. Do you like hugs?
When they’re not creepy and awkward I like them an awful lot.

48. Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
Maybe a month ago? I don’t know. I can conjure up butterflies often enough, but they’re rarely mean anything.

49. Whats the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name?
Julienne?

50. Last person you hugged?
Really hugged? I can’t remember. That’s sad. Or, I can remember. Also sad.

i drink lemonade every day now. things are much better now. but when i finally take a moment to reflect, i look back and realize that there is much in this year to be sad about. and the more i avoid mourning, the more i lose out. it gets really tiring trying to avoid your own shadow.

Robie Street Improvement Society did some impressive work yesterday afternoon.

recycle

late day sun shadows

patron saint and resident spirit, the original gardener, "mrs.v."

i tried to convince erin that there was still some life hiding in there, but it appears the winter killed it.

Zoom-Zoom.

micah's trees.

stevia & lemons

trying to shake things up a little. do something new every day, they say. yesterday it was the nettie pot. today, a new job. i liked it a bunch. maple roasted almonds. dill cream cheese. disgustingly delicious is how to describe the sticky buns. saw the sun rise, saw the sun set. loved jane, who started doing food because she sought joy, and is the type of lady who not only loves fine china, but uses it. i am excited, at least some of the time. i am happy, i think. but, despite the perfect shape of my life, i still get anxious in the middle of it all. it is too much for everything to go well, to just be easy, too much to just be happy. but i try harder every day.

nocole and i tried tennis today. we sucked. it was fun!

got a job, quit it. fuck! thought i would take a day or two to relax and rub my two pennies together. but, ring, ring. i think another job just called me on the telephone! time to crack another beer-beer!

tomatoes & lemons

who'd have thought. i'm done. actually. i've been dusting, dancing all afternoon. drinking a single chocolate stout, which promptly went to my head, regardless. singing, too. i hadn't realized how silent things had gotten. just ate me a delish ethiopian stew. tschuss to that! i'm so disoriented and overwhelmed i have nothing to say. glorious. much more soon, hopefully.

we grow up so quickly. thoughts and prayers for my sister and those she will never be able to forget.

the owner of this house and i should probably have a love affair.

finals (MS word, , , ) + progressive dinner (cheese, bourbon, , , ) =

winters outlast every living thing.

well, the plants didn't survive. they froze of went up in smoke, died of thirst, or just faded out. my skin isn't thick enough to not feel symbols. i feel the cold, i feel the dark. i've lost things and i don't know what's missing or what became of them. i hate this, this invisible and loss. makes me feel like i have no hair on my head or like a heart with no limbs. were a lot of deaths this winter. babies were born and died and i anointed their heads and shrunk inward. people i love died and i don't know how to mourn them. we suffered and struggled, love, but didn't make it through. sometimes i feel so hollowed out, you could ash your cigarette in me. but some things survived. even if all i can focus on is the violence of the struggle. i'm trying to focus on. some things survived. one cactus in the bathroom made it. parts of my imagination. invisible things. i'm grasping. smallest hopes. i want to believe that loss is a part of life and that things that die will be born anew. desire's a seed of something, i suppose.