common enough to say, "one day we awoke in my bed together and the next day he was gone." more startling when "one day we awoke in my bed together and the next day he was gone and so was my bed!"

i sleep on sofas. i live almost nowhere. i dream of visa weddings.

last days in the San Fran.

samusa soup; tea leaf salad; lychee mojito; syrup of a young coconut; ceviche & fried yucca; roasted nut tart; tamarind margarita; cookies the shape of italy; breaded scallops with red pepper coulis; bruchetta with eggplant tapenade; rosewater dessert wine; award winning homemade caramels. and the rest is yet to come.

begun the first few pages of thoreau's walden today, trying to get into the whole 'simple living' thing. romances about jars of jam, pickling, and making my own toasted coconut and almond butter ice cream. but, to be honest, i'm no simple girl: i know the language, even though i may choose to abuse it; my nails are red; my bling bling is quite big, as is my hair. i like stuff.

but, nonetheless, i still write poems about how to build a heartfelt treehouse. and little house on the prairie in my heart. and so i return to my native land. i may regret this. i am about to let go of the handle of a kite and i have no idea. i am about to learn some things. i have learned a lot of things. i am much more or less myself than i've ever been.

oh, gosh. it has been a long. i don't know if i should even keep this thing anymore, but i shall because i'm allowed to remain a creature of habit with some things, some things in the midst of so much change. like, that i am leaving california in 10 days feels like 10 minutes when i think of all the things between now and then: namely, eating various african and latin american cuisines not available in canada; hugging people; and staring at every beautiful thing trying to soak in enough to last me through the winter. bought a little green robin hood coat the other day: preparing for the cold. and though i'm very good at convincing myself with my head of how i should feel about a decision, starting to feel the change fall upon me physically now, too. i fear i will go into shock. besides all of the super tough stuff like blood and death, i don't know if i'll ever lead a life as easy as this one i live here in this pretty land. this past year hasn't felt like real life, so i guess deep down i never thought i'd really get to keep it: i mean, people can't really live like this all of the time, can they? can they?