oh, gosh. it has been a long. i don't know if i should even keep this thing anymore, but i shall because i'm allowed to remain a creature of habit with some things, some things in the midst of so much change. like, that i am leaving california in 10 days feels like 10 minutes when i think of all the things between now and then: namely, eating various african and latin american cuisines not available in canada; hugging people; and staring at every beautiful thing trying to soak in enough to last me through the winter. bought a little green robin hood coat the other day: preparing for the cold. and though i'm very good at convincing myself with my head of how i should feel about a decision, starting to feel the change fall upon me physically now, too. i fear i will go into shock. besides all of the super tough stuff like blood and death, i don't know if i'll ever lead a life as easy as this one i live here in this pretty land. this past year hasn't felt like real life, so i guess deep down i never thought i'd really get to keep it: i mean, people can't really live like this all of the time, can they? can they?